I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
