i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
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You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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