I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you traded sex for a burrito?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
