we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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