how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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