yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
