I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
