No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
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My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
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That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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