Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
