May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
