So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
