No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
