How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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