wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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