I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
