this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
