Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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