Umm I'm too high to move.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
