So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
