Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Someone signed my nipple.
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