i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
