The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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