she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
