I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
