This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
