Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
MIDGETS
????
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
