I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
