not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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