He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
