My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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