I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
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I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
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You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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