I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
