im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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