Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
