My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
