guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The feeling are messing with the penis
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize