Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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