Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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