yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
