u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
