youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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