There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
