is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
