He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
