guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
