reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
