Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
