I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
