Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
