You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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