I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
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See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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