life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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