haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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