i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have aggressive nipples.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
