She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
PANTIES FOUND
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
