I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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