she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
