There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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