sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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