i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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