even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
