Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
