now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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