just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
