I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
