before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
