it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
