sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Come share oat with me in your robe
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
