WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
