I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
