phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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