Where did you get a picture of my penis
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
