i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
