I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
