So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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