They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
