i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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