I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
