tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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