apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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