we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
