Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
