Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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