i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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